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You are here: Home / Archives for Mary's Columns - Taos News

How We Support Changes in Adults

June 22, 2017

Mary Gray McPhailBy Mary McPhail Gray
NVW Board Chair

When clients come to us, they present concerns in the intake interview and in initial conversations with the clinicians. And the work to change takes courage and effort. Sometimes the presenting issues relate to violence and the need to learn better coping skills—to stop from acting in violence, to stop from triggering violence, and to recover from violent experiences. Whether happening in one’s own childhood or happening now in adulthood, relationship violence is a deeply traumatic experience. In the words of one survivor of violence who did not report it to any legal office, “I lost ten years of my life.”

Families may encourage silence, and victims fear retaliation and public disapproval against all family members.  The culture of Taos makes violence more acceptable than is healthy. When family cases are referred to the legal system and the courts make decisions for treatment, they often come to one of Nonviolence Works clinical programs. [Read more…] about How We Support Changes in Adults

Filed Under: Mary's Columns - Taos News Tagged With: NAC, Nonviolence Awareness Classes, Restorative Parenting classes, Sadie Quintanilla, Steve Moser

So How Have Taos Changes Impacted our Youth?

June 8, 2017

Mary Gray McPhailBy Mary McPhail Gray
NVW Board Chair

In a recent meeting a teacher with 40 years of experience in the Taos School District described Taos as a “sweet village” when he first arrived.  There are significant differences between then and now.

Most students were bilingual, and while there were gangs—and “each one had its name and corner in the hall”—there were only about two fights a year. Students seemed to get along, and families were organized and responsive to school concerns.

Forward to 2016 [Read more…] about So How Have Taos Changes Impacted our Youth?

Filed Under: Mary's Columns - Taos News Tagged With: charter school, drugs, NAC, Nonviolence Awareness Class, prescription drugs

But Where Can They Go?

June 1, 2017

Mary Gray McPhailBy Mary McPhail Gray
NVW Board Chair

“He really needs to be in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for intensive support,” stated the clinician.  “But where can we get him accepted?”

This conversation has happened 12 times over the past year about youth clients that Nonviolence Works is serving.   And only 2 were accepted into an RTC—with discouraging results.

One of the reasons for poor outcomes is that the youth who are referred are in need of intensive support, and this includes family therapy.  With no RTC closer than Albuquerque—and only three in the state of New Mexico—the needs are great, the waiting lists are long, and the barriers to family involvement are huge.

As heavy narcotics availability has increased in Northern New Mexico, so has their use by our youth. With the youth Drug Court Program being dissolved for lack of funding, Taos has no programming for substance abuse cases that involve our youth. A number of youth seen at NVW have Dual Diagnosis (which means that they have substance abuse mixed with another disorder). Conduct Disorders and Oppositional Defiant Disorders are also frequently seen. [Read more…] about But Where Can They Go?

Filed Under: Mary's Columns - Taos News Tagged With: Conduct Disorders, Drug Court Program, Dual Diagnosis, Juvenile Detention Center, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Residential Treatment Center, RTC, Taos Couinty

Tools to Reduce Relationship Violence

May 10, 2017

Mary Gray McPhailBy Mary McPhail Gray
NVW Board Chair

He was an old white haired man—heavy and slow moving—and he often sat in a metal chair in the sun at the edge of his driveway.  One day he waved me over to his chair and commented that he had known my parents for many years.   He asked me how school was that day—and I told him about our new reading book and the fun we had at recess.  There began a pattern—whenever the weather was good enough—I would find him out in the sun—and on my way home from school I would talk to him—and he just listened and smiled.

Just listened—how often have you heard someone comment that their friend—or their parent or a sibling—“was always there for me.”  When you ask about what that means—often the answer was that “I could tell them everything—and they were always ready to listen.”

Listening proves to be one of the most powerful tools used in counseling and therapy, in mediation, in staff disputes, in team development.  Such a seemingly simple act—but it has very powerful impacts.

A consultant facilitating a work team planning session reached a point where the group had a plan to deal with an ongoing challenge.  They had agreed that the final choice has to be unanimous—everyone had to support the decision.  But one woman repeatedly said she was not comfortable with the decision—no matter how much the group members tried to persuade her.  Finally the consultant said, “What would you need to make it comfortable for you to agree?”  She then spoke for about 5 minutes about her perspective and how she disagreed with some of the other group members.  When the consultant commented that her points were very well stated and asked what she recommends they do next—she answered—“Oh now I am fine with the decision.”  She was listened to—and ultimately that made all the difference.

A frequent technique used in counseling and therapy when two people are in disagreement is to have one person state their feelings and ideas—and then require the second person to feed back an accurate statement of their ideas to the first person.  The speaker has to agree that the person has accurately captured their thoughts—or the two take another turn at speaking and reflecting back. When you have an experience with this technique—you suddenly realize that we rarely communicate like this.  You must pay close attention to the speaker to hear their ideas—and most often we are thinking of what we are going to say next and not intently listening.  But what a joy it is to speak and then have someone accurately repeat your ideas!  It makes you feel heard and respected.

In relationships it is most often in communication that emotions become heated and disagreements escalate.  Whether it is about money, sex, parenting, household chores or relative relationships, it takes great skill to navigate disagreements with those who are close to you.

But this is a precious skill to demonstrate and teach to your children.

Often it may be a grandparent who provides the listening ear—they may have the time and enough life experience to recognize that the speaker is struggling with a very important and common conflict.  To enter the conversation in a productive way, you may just want to ask—“Let me see if I understand what you are saying (feeling/suggesting/wanting).”  And you can show that you really listened!

 

Nonviolence Works has the largest staff of certified and credentialed behavioral health professionals in northern New Mexico.  Contact us at www.nonviolenceworks.us or 575-578-4297.

Mary McPhail Gray is the board chair of NVW and can be reached at mcphailconsulting@gmail.com or 575-779-3126.

5.10.17

Filed Under: Mary's Columns - Taos News Tagged With: relationships, tools, violence

Thank you!

April 9, 2017

Mary Gray McPhailBy Mary McPhail Gray
NVW Board Chair

Nonviolence Works wishes to thank all those serious shoppers who came on April Fool’s Day to buy at our first annual NVW Garage Sale.  We had a great time visiting with treasure seekers and were grateful for the opportunity to talk to about our work in community.  Special thanks to the repeat visitors who just couldn’t resist coming back!

The funds that we raised will enable us to enrich the curriculum offered in both our summer day camps.

Nonviolence Works will be present on Friday, April 14th. at the Taos Mesa Brewery Mother Ship at 6 p.m. to reach out and help you support some of your community members through our strong programs described below.

Youth Programs for the Summer

Our Familia y Mundo after-school program turns into a summer day camp housed at Ranchos Elementary School with a 9-3 schedule of individual and group therapy, arts and crafts, hiking, swimming and other outdoor activities and special community visits.  With donations, we can provide more high quality materials for art, give them more field trips and purchase better sports equipment. [Read more…] about Thank you!

Filed Under: Mary's Columns - Taos News Tagged With: 24/7 Dads, Defendu Academy, Familia y Mundo, Fatherhood Classes, garage sale, Marcella Skogen, Nonviolence Awareness Classes, Restorative Parenting, Summer Youth Damp, Supervised Visitation, Taos Mesa Brewery

An April Fool’s Opportunity to Show You Care!

March 30, 2017

Mary Gray McPhailBy Mary McPhail Gray
NVW Board Chair

This Saturday, April 1, Nonviolence Works is holding an intriguing treasure hunt—a garage sale with unique and useful items! 8:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. in the parking lot of NVW—1337 E. Gusdorf Road (behind southern Ace hardware).

All proceeds of the sale will go to enrich and enhance our programs for youth.  There are many needs for both the Familia y Mundo after-school and summer camp as well as the summer camp for middle school aged youth:

  • Fees to enable youth to participate in pottery classes
  • Payment for swimming at the Family and Youth Center
  • Art supplies for painting, drawing and paper-mâché
  • Additional food items beyond that provided by USDA foods (Growing students may have no other daily nutrition.)
  • Funds to create an incentive for participating youth to enjoy an afternoon at the movies
  • Equipment to support hiking and climbing outings

And now for the treasures! Board members and staff have contributed a wide variety of items—artistic, home decorative pieces, office equipment and supplies, recreational and business equipment etc.

Below are some descriptions, and here are photos of some of the items.

Hand Made Chinese wooden birdcage
Art deco vintage posters
Sea landscape painting
Brass mantel Xmas stocking hangers
7’ Xmas tree
Child car seats
Framed, signed poster from first Taos Wine Fest
Large computer monitor
Women and children’s clothing
Leather desk chair
Framed Aspen forest photograph
Commercial window steam cleaner
Set of 4 backed bar stools
Tent and camping equipment
Black frame and white linen Japanese lamp
Carpets
Children’s books
Kitchen bowls/pans
Glassware
Antique mortar and pestle
Leather and wooden drum

Come by and see what treasures you might find and support the work of this vital organization.  Seventy percent of our work is with youth—investing in the next generation’s families and citizens.

Every contribution you make is put to immediate use in our programs.  Thank you for your participation.

 

Nonviolence Works has the largest staff of behavioral health clinicians and social workers in northern New Mexico.  Contact us at 575-758-4297 or www.nonviolenceworks.us

Mary McPhail Gray is the board chair of NVW and can be reached at mcphailconsulting@gmai.com or 575-779-3126

Filed Under: Mary's Columns - Taos News Tagged With: Familia y Mundo, garage sale

A New Look:  Come Visit our Web Site!

March 9, 2017

Mary Gray McPhailBy Mary McPhail Gray
NVW Board Chair

New Nonviolence Works board member, Sandra Bentley has been working with staff and board to design a fresh up-to-date look for our site at www.nonviolenceworks.us.  We think you will enjoy its look and learn a great deal about us.

One special feature of the site is the art by Taos school youth from the 2013 The Art of Nonviolence show at the Taos Center for the Arts.  Youth create images to remind us of the impact of violence—and the power of nonviolence.  We look forward to our next show at the TCA in the spring of 2018. [Read more…] about A New Look:  Come Visit our Web Site!

Filed Under: Mary's Columns - Taos News Tagged With: art of nonviolence, Community Against Violence (CAV), Crispin Clarke, Men Engaged in Nonviolence (MEN), Nonviolence Works board, Nonviolence Works staff, Vishu Magee

How We Support Changes in Our Clients

March 2, 2017

Mary Gray McPhailBy Mary McPhail Gray
NVW Board Chair

Everyone in the behavioral health field is wants to support their clients through changes they have identified—whether it be relieving depression, processing grief, learning more self control and goal setting, or acquiring new relationship or parenting skills.

How do we help them change? What makes it possible for people to change in a relationship with a counselor or social worker? Is there a special “one size fits all” program or approach?

Researchers and behavioral health care providers have asked these questions in order to improve their success with clients. Recent research gives some interesting answers. Repeatedly, findings describe the “therapeutic alliance” or the partnership between the therapist and the client as a key variable. This essentially means that a trusting relationship is developed where the client feels empathy, acceptance and warmth from the therapist. They develop a shared work plan devoted to the client’s needs.

Further research also suggests that the greater and varied life experiences a therapist has is often a key factor in being able to relate to a variety of clients. At Nonviolence Works, our clinicians have a range of experiences and skills. [Read more…] about How We Support Changes in Our Clients

Filed Under: Mary's Columns - Taos News Tagged With: Gang Resistance is Powerful, GRIP, James Mondragon, Lisa Stern, Marcella Skogen, Marsha Carlson, Rima Ralff, Ryan Daly, Sadie Quintanilla, staff, Steve Moser, therapeutic alliance, Zach Garcia

Play Power: TBH Staff Member Builds Confidence in his Students

February 12, 2017

by Mary McPhail Gray
NVW Chair

“I give them a safe place to rough house and learn how to use their bodies” states Ryan Daly—the play therapy leader at Nonviolence Works. For the past three years, Daly has been leading the Familia Y Mundo therapeutic after-school program participants in activities designed to get them moving and learn body awareness.

Ryan Daly

Ryan Daly

Daly and the FYM staff see dramatic differences in the students that participate. As he enters the classroom he notices youth who are “shut down”—even with their heads down and not talking. After a period in the play therapy activities—they are vibrant and smiling with happiness. Daly knows that this contrast is partly due to the advantage he has of seeing them after a long day in the classroom—often sedentary—and the chance to play and move is rewarding. [Read more…] about Play Power: TBH Staff Member Builds Confidence in his Students

Filed Under: Mary's Columns - Taos News Tagged With: Defend U Academy, Familia y Mundo, Gang Resistance is Powerful, GRIP, NVW staff

Nonviolence Works Welcomes New Family Therapist

February 2, 2017

By Mary McPhail Gray
NVW Chair

“I wanted to have a profession in which I gave back to others,” commented Marcella Skogen, the new family therapist at NVW.  After she was helped by a counselor during her divorce process, she was motivated to enter the profession herself and completed a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology at the University of Denver.

Marcella Kagan

Marcella Kagan

Like many transplants, Skogen has been visiting Taos for twenty-five years with a goal of some day being able to move here.  She and her husband arrived last July and she is now working part time at both Golden Willow Retreat and NVW. She has assumed the role of lead therapist in the Familia y Mundo therapeutic after-school program where she leads counseling groups and does individual counseling.  [Read more…] about Nonviolence Works Welcomes New Family Therapist

Filed Under: Mary's Columns - Taos News Tagged With: Familia y Mundo, Marcella Skogen, NVW staff

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Taos Behavioral Health provides comprehensive behavioral health services to individuals, families, and groups to support them in developing positive behaviors and making life-affirming choices.

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Taos Behavioral Health provides comprehensive behavioral health services to individuals, families, and groups to support them in developing positive behaviors and making life-affirming choices.

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